dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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