forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
