I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
