One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
