Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
