I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
