Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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