Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His nipple licking is glorious
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