he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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