So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
