dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
