Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
