Duck Duck Cougar?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
