whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry about my life...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
