He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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