I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
