is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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