when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
