If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
