I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
