And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
