My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
