He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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