im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
