i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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