dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
