this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
