and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
