a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
