if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
