We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
