I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
