And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
