I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
