I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
