the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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