I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
