so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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