I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
40s are totally the cure
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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