It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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