i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
