we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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