Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
