I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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