I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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