So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
