I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
