Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
