1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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