There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
