Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
